Energy and it's effects in our lives!

I thought of a friend and suddenly she called. I had a feeling that I had to get out of the bookshop and immediately there's a call after that requires me to rush back home. I believe that I can easily acquire a job and within 2 weeks during economic depression I secure a job. My friend is in psychological trauma and suddenly I feel like calling her. Can all of these merely be coincidences? I've become so conscious of all these so called 'coincidences' to finally realize that nothing happens coincidentally in the universe. There's always some reason as to why you are in a certain situation, company, event. However it's usually after the occurrence that we realize the importance of it and the actions that could have been taken. And as I get even more conscious and aware of the moment, I start getting closer to this non coincidental Energy Force. It's every where and no where, all pervasive, subtle and only present to me when I still my thoughts and calm myself. It's amazing what I've discovered after watching the movie 'The Secret' like over and over again. Life changing! Too coincidental to be a coincidence...

Astrology... A lil Perspective on the ever evasive Self...

Well, never have I believed that my life is not under my control but the case of turbulent suicidal depressive cycles that I've had in this year alone has proven that another Force is at play here. It is only my natural course to understand that Force and try as much as possible to flow in the same way as it and not end it fighting against it all the time only to my detriment. I found this messenger sent from the above that enabled me to regain back my sanity, finances and battered heart in crazy but slow gradual processes.
There's this interesting metaphor that I got during one of my discourses with a very wise man, a spiritual, but not religious man. The topic was about fate and free will. He said fate is like the pole that tethers the cow to it's locality and free will is like the length of the rope tying the cow to that pole. It's only by believe and sheer determination alone that we can endure some of the obstacles and challenges thrown in our path while enjoying the fruits of both our karmic actions and resolute intention. Just like the cow... :-)

Conflicts... of heart or mind???

Dear online diary,
I couldn sleep today. I was just thinking of the words that was exchanged wondering if I could do any worst. I know that she's the kind of person that will definitely live and let go but then again will I be able to let go. I feel so bad for behaving the way I did but I was being me. I really didn't want to come out looking as the overprotective, insecure 'timekeeping' sort of person. I was just doing some thinking about us and I think if it was me, I'll never want to see me ever again. Will she ever be able to understand that sometimes I just get very lovey dovey? Or will she be able to accept the nerdy side of me that just craves for a simple non complicated loving relationship.

I'm really fucking things up. Maybe I haven't let go of the past... Maybe I'm just allowing it to creep into my life like a damn STD. I don't know whats worst, sitting around waiting for somethings to fuck up or fucking it up myself. I know I should not be focusing on the worst but I just am losing the capability to imagine another bright sunny day. I'm finding it more and more difficult to let go. As my best friend put in, I've been digging this hole for myself by not focusing on making myself better. Instead I've treating myself like shoe polish and allowing myself to get overly concerned over some things that I just can't control. I really love her with all my heart and I would go to the moon and back just to experience her rainbow filled presence. Space... that might be the answer to my question. Change and letting go is probaly the best thing for me now. I'm really sorry... and I hope that I don't end up screwing it up this time.

Overwhelming...

I feel something good that cannot be described yesterday. It felt like light permeated my whole being yesterday. My heart did not beat any faster and yet it had a constant, steady rhythm that I've not felt for quite a long. It felt like I was free again to walk the roads that I like, forest pathways that I trekked, waterfalls that I loved, and life that I lived. It felt so good that I forgot myself, this dreary life, the challenges that it has thrown and love that I have lost. I have been given a new adventure. A moment to treasure for all eternity. I felt beyond any comprehension, overwhelmed...

Events, good or bad?

Well, I've been increasing exposed to events that made me rethink my moral standings. If thats not enough, I think I'm reframing some of them in my mind as I'm going through these chain of wonderful happenings. So, this is something that I've been pondering upon and I chanced upon this wonderful piece of gem in my journey. For you;

There are no principles; only events,
There is no good or bad; there are only circumstances,
The superior man espouses events and circumstances in order to guide them.
If there were principles and fixed laws, nations would not change them as we change our shirts and a man can not be expected to be wiser than an entire nation.

HONORE DE BALZAC
1799-1850

Living in the present is delicious!

A poem to ponder;

Every day is a fresh beginning, Every morn is the world made new; You who are weary of sorrow and sinning, Here is a beautiful hope for you, A hope for me and a hope for you.

Ah the past things are past and over, The tasks are done, and the tears are shed. Yesterday’s errors let yesterday cover; Yesterday’s wounds, which smarted and bled, Are healed with the healing which night has shed.

Here are the skies all burnished brightly; Here is the spent earth all reborn; Here are the tired limbs springing lightly, To face the sun and to share with the morn, In the chrism of dew and the cool of dawn.

Every day is a fresh beginning, Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain, And in spite of old sorrow and the older sinning, And puzzles forecasted, and possible pain, Take heart with the day and begin again.

Love, I Found Again...

It's absolutely amazing sometimes when I truly let something go and so many other things start revolving my way. I feel reborn or shall I say renewed. I met this person that told me everything I need to know about myself and has helped walked the right path. these person, a stranger has now proven to be one of my gurus in this wonderful journey, called life. i feel connected again and yet detached enjoying this wonderful freedom that I found. Love, is yet an ambiguous but an exciting adventure that I'm getting reawakened to. I met this other person thats just a warm, free and wonderful person. This chance encounter has made me realise the wonderful parts of life and moments that I've been missing. Dear God, I hope this adventure and this journey that you've allowed me to endure continues and tickles my very soul.

Love is a fucking drama!!!

My love is a fucking charade,
Where she gets to parade,
Why do I want to be with her,
Only to loath the moments after,
Why do I trust her,
When she continuosly breaks that trust,
Why am I still sane,
When she's driving me insane,
Why does she make me want her,
Only to show she hates me,
Why do I believe in her,
Only to be lied to,
Why does she hold on to me,
Only to let go of me,
I don't know where I'm getting to,
Because I've lost my centre,
It has always been her concerto,
And now it's just neither.
How do I break free?
When I don't know me...

A New Lease of Life!!!

I believe God has a really cynical way of looking at things from his place laughing at all the antiques that happen in my life. Just broke up... having a break. Whatever u call it, it can be a real toll after seven years of relationship. I kinda feel heavy...ok, maybe a lot heavy and also feel like I'm free off something. Well, I'm allowing myself to feel the threads that weave around my new reality now knowing that this is going to be easy or difficult absolutely depending on me. Hmmm, tomorrow is a new day, a new life and heck of a lot to look forward to!!!! Carpe fucking Diem!!!

Boring...

Looks like life without the gals is best decribed like bees without the honey. Anyway tat was what it was like in da office today. Just the most slowest, boring day without anything to be excited about. Anyway, have you guys been anything on the papers. It's full of shit with a capital S. Don't read those gomen propagandas, negative news about someone raping someone, someone killing someone and crap like that. It evidently brings us closer to being so skeptical of life. Oh maybe, I'm just missing the honeys!!!!

GSK... A Brand New Start!!!!

Well, I bet there's loads of stuff that you'd like to hear since I'VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG!!! Anyway, I haven't been commiting to writing but by the request of my friend and a deep insisting urge that I should, lets get down to it. I've met new friends here in GSK. Superb absolutely wack dudes and dudettes that totally rock with my world. KH GOH, Mr.CK, RATs n Mickey has been the source of everlasting joy in the office. I donno wat we'll do but we just manage to get each other laughing with tears running down our cheeks all z time. Ahh well, laughter is the new start that all good things are made of. I feel a whole lot more stable n grounded as well n I know that whatever that I put my mind too with all these supportive ppl around me, I'll make it!!! Carpe Diem yo!!!