Energy and it's effects in our lives!

I thought of a friend and suddenly she called. I had a feeling that I had to get out of the bookshop and immediately there's a call after that requires me to rush back home. I believe that I can easily acquire a job and within 2 weeks during economic depression I secure a job. My friend is in psychological trauma and suddenly I feel like calling her. Can all of these merely be coincidences? I've become so conscious of all these so called 'coincidences' to finally realize that nothing happens coincidentally in the universe. There's always some reason as to why you are in a certain situation, company, event. However it's usually after the occurrence that we realize the importance of it and the actions that could have been taken. And as I get even more conscious and aware of the moment, I start getting closer to this non coincidental Energy Force. It's every where and no where, all pervasive, subtle and only present to me when I still my thoughts and calm myself. It's amazing what I've discovered after watching the movie 'The Secret' like over and over again. Life changing! Too coincidental to be a coincidence...

Astrology... A lil Perspective on the ever evasive Self...

Well, never have I believed that my life is not under my control but the case of turbulent suicidal depressive cycles that I've had in this year alone has proven that another Force is at play here. It is only my natural course to understand that Force and try as much as possible to flow in the same way as it and not end it fighting against it all the time only to my detriment. I found this messenger sent from the above that enabled me to regain back my sanity, finances and battered heart in crazy but slow gradual processes.
There's this interesting metaphor that I got during one of my discourses with a very wise man, a spiritual, but not religious man. The topic was about fate and free will. He said fate is like the pole that tethers the cow to it's locality and free will is like the length of the rope tying the cow to that pole. It's only by believe and sheer determination alone that we can endure some of the obstacles and challenges thrown in our path while enjoying the fruits of both our karmic actions and resolute intention. Just like the cow... :-)

Conflicts... of heart or mind???

Dear online diary,
I couldn sleep today. I was just thinking of the words that was exchanged wondering if I could do any worst. I know that she's the kind of person that will definitely live and let go but then again will I be able to let go. I feel so bad for behaving the way I did but I was being me. I really didn't want to come out looking as the overprotective, insecure 'timekeeping' sort of person. I was just doing some thinking about us and I think if it was me, I'll never want to see me ever again. Will she ever be able to understand that sometimes I just get very lovey dovey? Or will she be able to accept the nerdy side of me that just craves for a simple non complicated loving relationship.

I'm really fucking things up. Maybe I haven't let go of the past... Maybe I'm just allowing it to creep into my life like a damn STD. I don't know whats worst, sitting around waiting for somethings to fuck up or fucking it up myself. I know I should not be focusing on the worst but I just am losing the capability to imagine another bright sunny day. I'm finding it more and more difficult to let go. As my best friend put in, I've been digging this hole for myself by not focusing on making myself better. Instead I've treating myself like shoe polish and allowing myself to get overly concerned over some things that I just can't control. I really love her with all my heart and I would go to the moon and back just to experience her rainbow filled presence. Space... that might be the answer to my question. Change and letting go is probaly the best thing for me now. I'm really sorry... and I hope that I don't end up screwing it up this time.