Call me a conservationalists or freaking outdated caveman but I think when you get into a relationship, it's for life. I mean like, why do you get into a relationship in the first place if you are not thinking of spending your life with that person.. I know there's all this bullshit about 'living life to the fullest' or 'enjoying it while it lasts' or let's listen to one of our all time favourite 'lets give it a shot' but why do we need to subject ourselves to our mindless appetite for love?? It's not like each and everyone of us are cancer patients given 6 months to live, or prison inmates on death row that we don't enough time to take a rational approach to love...
I believe there are many levels for love.. There is love for God, our parents, siblings, friends, lovers, etc and most importantly for yourself... If you don't love yourself sincerely, then who is going to?? I'm not asking you to be narcisistic or anything but appreciate yourself for getting all the blessings that the other person is not having because of their adverse situations.
I'm a risk taker.. I know some things and I don't know a lot, I'll give you that... Love is addictive and in fact there are so many people outside there finding for something to fill up their lonely hearts that it's amazing to see someone walking out there with a clear headed mind on the subject of love. Sometimes, even I pose questions to myself that I can't answer but you know what... I've realised something.. For women, they always take the right decision first and then switch to their second decision which is wrong because they try to accomodate to people's needs and worst of all feel guilty for some fault which is not theirs... For men, they always make the wrong decision first and after some careful thorough 'alone time' they make the right decision.. Men, we think with our balls most of the time and women with their heart.. Funny huh??
It was very easy when we were young but I'm sure you realise that when you grow older things get rather complicated.. Even I almost fell from grace and reduced myself to mortal vulnerable Clark Kent recently.. I finally realise that you should rise in love when you love someone or be loved by someone.. in that way.. it will definitely make you feel invulnerable... At the same time, if you feel that you've taken enough shit being vulnerable and you wanna feel invulnerable again, then you gotta dump that asshole/bitch and get on with your life cause i'm sure there's another deserving person for you out there that is just waiting for you to open up your heart to them.. Whatever it is, you'll know what to do when the time comes.. I only pray that you have the courage to take a leap of faith into the unknown..
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Bangkok... Always in my heart
It's been almost one week now since i've been back from Bangkok. I miss the place.. The aura, the splendour and the wonderful butterfly like feelings that I got in my proverbial heart about this wonderful getaway that unfortunately only lasted for three days would last forever in my memories. I was fortunate enough to be accompanied by this wonderful free spirited kindred soul that has been my best 'buddy' for time immemorial. Well, not to sound really corny and all but I fell in love all over again.. Just felt like cloud nine everywhere and free from everything that binds me to the world that i have chosen to live.
We went to this place called the Grand Palace with a huge... like really huge Buddhist temple where there were wonderful tapestry like painting on the wall... It was really humbling and wonderful to stand witness to the creation of man when they are really motivated especiality in terms of spirituality and love. How do you think the Great Pyramids of Giza was built or even the Taj Mahal or even the gigantic statue of Zeus.... I felt like I was in another world, some place where old beliefs and ancient magic still exists... To put in one word " STARSTRUCK"...
Khao San Rd was very near our accomodation and this place was filled with backpackers of many nationalities.. The Dutch, Londoners, Irish, Japanese give you a whole new ambience especially when you're under the influence of booze at the night club scene.. Hehehe.. ' Booze makes the world go round'.. I started talking in a foreign accent!!! And believe me, thats new.. As my buddy was saying with a smirk " I heard you talking with an accent... (giggle) " :- )
Most of all, I got in touch with my emotional side and felt vulnerable once again.. Funny thing is, I was really comfortable being this person that I started singing in the bathroom.. and that doesn't happen everywhere except when I'm really comfortable. (Shooo... don't tell anyone, yeah..) This angelic buddy that was with me helped me find my other side... I have admired her for her free spiritedness and fresh outlook in life. She has this uncanny ability to crack open my forcefield.. Scary at times but I've always loved her from the minute i set my eyes on her in form six. She is something different from all the monotonousness of this world that I can be really comfortable with and yet not commit too... Like a utopian dream, you know... I'll never stop loving her but perhaps in a different way that is totally platonic and non committal... Unconditional love as I would put it... We are divergent paths on the same plane criss crossing each other at certain timelines making each of us stronger and better... There are a few special people like this that i will always have fond memories of.. I'm gonna miss her when she goes... but i guess thats just the way life is, full of uncertainties and uncharted waters that we will have to wade through to reach the other side.
I felt so immensely depressed when I left this place but I guess there is life waiting for me on the other side. I don't what I felt in love with or when I did but it will leave a lasting impression on me till the day of my passing. It was so real that I felt like I wanted this other life, but I just know it's not meant to be. There is a lot of responsibilities and burden that I'll have to carry out in this life for me to accomplish my mission. We can't be Clark Kent forever.. One day we'll have to assume our roles as Superman and do whats needed of us..
We went to this place called the Grand Palace with a huge... like really huge Buddhist temple where there were wonderful tapestry like painting on the wall... It was really humbling and wonderful to stand witness to the creation of man when they are really motivated especiality in terms of spirituality and love. How do you think the Great Pyramids of Giza was built or even the Taj Mahal or even the gigantic statue of Zeus.... I felt like I was in another world, some place where old beliefs and ancient magic still exists... To put in one word " STARSTRUCK"...
Khao San Rd was very near our accomodation and this place was filled with backpackers of many nationalities.. The Dutch, Londoners, Irish, Japanese give you a whole new ambience especially when you're under the influence of booze at the night club scene.. Hehehe.. ' Booze makes the world go round'.. I started talking in a foreign accent!!! And believe me, thats new.. As my buddy was saying with a smirk " I heard you talking with an accent... (giggle) " :- )
Most of all, I got in touch with my emotional side and felt vulnerable once again.. Funny thing is, I was really comfortable being this person that I started singing in the bathroom.. and that doesn't happen everywhere except when I'm really comfortable. (Shooo... don't tell anyone, yeah..) This angelic buddy that was with me helped me find my other side... I have admired her for her free spiritedness and fresh outlook in life. She has this uncanny ability to crack open my forcefield.. Scary at times but I've always loved her from the minute i set my eyes on her in form six. She is something different from all the monotonousness of this world that I can be really comfortable with and yet not commit too... Like a utopian dream, you know... I'll never stop loving her but perhaps in a different way that is totally platonic and non committal... Unconditional love as I would put it... We are divergent paths on the same plane criss crossing each other at certain timelines making each of us stronger and better... There are a few special people like this that i will always have fond memories of.. I'm gonna miss her when she goes... but i guess thats just the way life is, full of uncertainties and uncharted waters that we will have to wade through to reach the other side.
I felt so immensely depressed when I left this place but I guess there is life waiting for me on the other side. I don't what I felt in love with or when I did but it will leave a lasting impression on me till the day of my passing. It was so real that I felt like I wanted this other life, but I just know it's not meant to be. There is a lot of responsibilities and burden that I'll have to carry out in this life for me to accomplish my mission. We can't be Clark Kent forever.. One day we'll have to assume our roles as Superman and do whats needed of us..
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Dreams... lil poem from me..
Dreams,
You are never a constant,
Life passes you by in an instant,
You should imagine dreams that will withstand,
Barrage of adversities that needs a Ponstan...
Love is part of your world,
It helps make you a divine soul,
Love will always give you gumption,
That words alone can't mention,
I believe that men were born for a reason,
Release your minds of self inflicted prison,
Once it's filled with magnificent dreams,
Then nothing will be as dull as it seems.
You are never a constant,
Life passes you by in an instant,
You should imagine dreams that will withstand,
Barrage of adversities that needs a Ponstan...
Love is part of your world,
It helps make you a divine soul,
Love will always give you gumption,
That words alone can't mention,
I believe that men were born for a reason,
Release your minds of self inflicted prison,
Once it's filled with magnificent dreams,
Then nothing will be as dull as it seems.
Hmmm.. Where was I??
Well, lets just say that i've been away for a long time in the materialistic world and have forgotten about my lil diary here... I've actually joined a new company about 9 months ago and everything has happened so fast... I never realised that time can actually speed up soooo fast and before you know it it's December 2005... Hahaha... Can't believe that i was here about 1 year ago... Very blur, don't know what to do, still contemplating about life and the job world. Look at me now, earning twice my salary the last year and still not saving any of it but i guess with a world of new ideas, friends, feelings.. I'm now a medical rep for a known pharmaceutical company in a location that i could never have dreamed of in my entire life and absolutely immersed in the real world with a upbeat outlook in life. Still am very much the same person and still trying to save everyone around me... (smirk) Cause, I've got a new term for that though, "Superman Complex".. Hehehe.. Just don't know when that angel of mine will send another angel to remove the mountaneous burden on my shoulder and let me at least taste the life of a mortal man for even two seconds...
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